10 Relaxation Techniques That Zap Stress Fast

From WebMD “As mentioned on my radio show!” – HUGHES IT

Relax. You deserve it, it’s good for you, and it takes less time than you think.

You don’t need a spa weekend or a retreat. Each of these stress-relieving tips can get you from OMG to om in less than 15 minutes.

1. Meditate

A few minutes of practice per day can help ease anxiety. “Research suggests that daily meditation may alter the brain’s neural pathways, making you more resilient to stress,” says psychologist Robbie Maller Hartman, PhD, a Chicago health and wellness coach.

2. Breathe Deeply

Take a 5-minute break and focus on your breathing. Sit up straight, eyes closed, with a hand on your belly. Slowly inhale through your nose, feeling the breath start in your abdomen and work its way to the top of your head. Reverse the process as you exhale through your mouth.

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The #1 Secret on How To Engage With a Narcissist

As mentioned on my radio show… – Hughes it

If you are related to, married to, or divorced from a narcissist, then you know how difficult it is reason with them.

Narcissists are masters at manipulation. They are often intelligent and charming when you first meet them. In the beginning, you hold them to such high esteem (of course to which they are fully aware) and they love to bask in your adulation.

But once you catch on to their tactics, and question behavior that is opposite of their once-charming selves, they become deeply threatened. They will then paint themselves as a victim and you as their aggressor, and expertly blame you for the relationship’s demise, and all other misfortunes in their life.

And you, as the codependent, try to reason with him, change his mind, or challenge every verbal assault point-by-point in hopes that he snaps out of his irrational behavior.

Maybe this time he will understand, you think.

If I explain it to him this way, he will get it. He can’t be THAT close-minded, I’m going to tell him once more.

But the more you explain, the colder and more manipulative he becomes. He may talk to you like a child, as if you’re stupid. And you can’t even believe how a person can lack such empathy, so you explain more, trying harder and harder to make him “get it” — and the more you do that, the more it supplies his narcissistic fantasies that he is better and smarter than anyone.

The constant attempts to explain or get some kind of emotional response with no return is what I call the Narcissistic Vortex — it’s a deep, black hole that sucks you in, with no way out. And until you understand this, you are going to think you’re crazy, unloved, or worse, that you aren’t worthy of anyone else’s love so you end up staying with this person or being alone forever.

If you are not married and trying to end a relationship with a Narcissist, then the expert advice is to have no contact with him. You end the relationship cold-turkey, as if giving up a very bad addiction.

But what if you are divorcing a narcissist, or you must endure a co-parenting relationship long term — how do you manage the constant manipulation even as you try to get on with your life? He might blame you for the smallest mistakes (thereby raising his own false self-worth), or he criticizes you for everything you do with the kids. And because he is SO falsely mistaken, you write him a long email, explaining your actions, or you become ensued in a long texting battle.

And thus, you enter the Narcissistic Vortex.

You must remember, this vortex is a trap. By replying to him (no matter how negative), it feeds his narcissistic supply — a.k.a, his false sense of self that he is better than you (or anyone else for that matter).

So if the manipulation happens via email, for example, you must first ask yourself: does it require a reply? Are there any crucial issues that really require your response, like financial matters during divorce or logistics with the children?

Unfortunately with Narcissists, they can never write an email without making themselves look a victim/martyr, or passive aggressively knocking your ability to function as an adult. The true secret to engaging with a narcissist is little to no response. Reply with “yes” or “no” answers, or merely factual replies like, “yes, I am picking kids up at 5:00 p.m. today.” Ignore all other stabs or attempts of getting a heated reaction from you.

If your narcissist wants to talk with you over the phone about certain matters, let him ask you questions for which a yes or no answer is required. If the conversation results in accusations or manipulation, quite simply say to him, “If you have anything to discuss with me, please put it in email.” And then hang up.

You will never change his mind. You will never get him to see your side of things. As long as you attempt to do so, you will forever be stuck in his vortex and unable to move on.

Learning how to deal with a narcissist can’t be accomplished by reading just this one blog. It takes skill, practice, reading books on the subject and perhaps coaching or therapy. Whatever you do, don’t try to learn this alone.

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Divorce coach and founder of The Inspired Divorce

6 Promises You Should Make to Yourself and Keep Forever

Here is an article I say Hughes it to! It is from Marc and Angel Hack Life. Check out their site for other valuable life learning lessons at http://www.marcandangel.com/


6 Promises You Should Make to Yourself and Keep Forever

Life is not all rainbows and butterflies. It can be tough sometimes. And you’ve paid a heavy price to get this far, so the best option is to really make it count by moving forward from where you are. Free yourself from the world’s negativity – from the sources of ignorance telling you what you can and cannot do – by promising to look ahead, to live ahead, and to get ahead. In other words, start making positive promises to yourself!

Promise to fight back, to fight harder, to laugh louder and longer and slap adversity back into its seat whenever it dares to stand against you. Promise to be a force to be reckoned with – because you are a force to be reckoned with.

Make these promises to yourself, and keep them forever.

Repeat after me: “I promise…”

1. “I will not hold the past against myself.” – Your problems, your weaknesses, setbacks, regrets and mistakes teach you if you’re willing to learn, or they will punish you if you’re not. So let them teach you, every day. Take everything as a lesson learned. If you regret some of the decisions you have made in the past, stop being so hard on yourself. At that time, you did your best with the knowledge you had. At that time, you did your best with the experience you had. Your decisions were made with a younger mind. If you were to make these decisions with the wisdom you have today, you would choose differently. So give yourself a break. Time and experience has a wonderful way of helping us grow and learn to make better choices today, for ourselves and those we care for.

2. “I will own my life and never deny responsibility for it.” – Through the grapevine, you may have learned that you should blame your parents, your teachers, your mentors, the education system, the government, etc., but never to blame yourself. Right? It’s never, ever your fault… WRONG! It’s always your fault, because if you want to change, if you want to let go and move on with your life, you’re the only person who can make it happen. It’s YOUR move to make. It’s YOUR responsibility. Own it!

3. “I will live a life that feels right to me, not one that looks right to everyone else.” – Give yourself permission to follow the path that makes YOU happy. And realize that some people in your life will refuse to walk beside you as you embark on this journey; they simply won’t approve no matter what you say, and that’s OK. Sometimes when you commit yourself to creating your own happiness, it clashes with the perceptions of others. Sometimes when you gain something great, you have to let go of something else. And sometimes this ‘something else’ is a relationship that only wants you to do what they want you to do.

4. “I will let go of relationships that are obviously not meant to be.” – Most people come into your life temporarily simply to teach you something. They come and they go and they make a difference. And it’s OK that they’re not in your life anymore. Not all relationships last, but the lessons these relationships bring to you do. If you learn to open your heart and mind, anyone, including the folks who eventually drive you mad, can teach you something worthwhile. Sometimes it will feel weird when you realize you spent so much time with someone you are no longer connected to, but that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be. You are exactly where you’re supposed to be. We all are.

5. “I will not let any situation permanently steal my smile.” – Even when times are tough, take a moment to pause and remember who YOU are. Take a moment to reflect on the things that have real and lasting meaning in your life. And then smile about how far you’ve come. Honestly, nothing in this world is more beautiful and powerful than a smile that has struggled through the tears. Any fool can be happy when times are easy. It takes a strong soul with real heart to develop smiles out of situations that make us weep. No matter how long it takes, it will get better. Keep going. Tough situations build strong people in the end.

6. “I will keep stretching myself beyond my previous level of comfort.” – Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing. Every great success requires some type of worthy struggle to get there. Know this! When you’re struggling, that’s when you’re growing stronger and smarter. The more time you spend there, the faster you learn. It’s better to spend an extremely high quality ten minutes growing, than it is to spend a mediocre hour running in place. Every day, you want to practice at the point where you are on the edge of your ability, stretching yourself over and over again, making mistakes, stumbling, learning from those mistakes and stretching yourself even farther.